The Eleventh Commandment

Then Moses gave the Ten Commandments to his people, waiting at the foot of the mountain, and returned to Mount Sinai.

Moses said to the LORD, “I have done as you have asked. The people tremble with fear before your greatness, and they all respond together: ‘we will do everything the LORD has said.’”

Then from the thick darkness, God returned, and spoke all these words: “ONE MORE THING!”

Moses wiped his brow, heavy with sweat. “Yes, God?”

The LORD called to him from the mountain, and said: “Thou shall not possess foreskin!”

And Moses said to the LORD: “…what?”

The LORD said to Moses: “The sum of your sins is embodied in the fleshy tips of your penises. You shall circumcise yourself and your sons that come after you, so that you may become clean, and shmegma-less.”

And Moses said to the LORD: “Oh, jeez, we- um…had such a good thing going with that no coveting, no adultering, no murdering stuff. Don’t you think we could, maybe, forbid prejudice or something?”

The LORD said to Moses: “This is what you are to say to the descendants of Jacob and the people of Israel: ‘You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, now you will obey me and remove that foul flab!’”

So Moses went down to the people and told them. And when the people saw the lightening and heard the thunder and the trumpet, they fell down trembling and begging before His awesome power.

…Except for a man named Muhammad, standing amongst them in disbelief, who turned, then slowly backed away, and yelled: “PEACE!”

= P

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